Thursday, January 21, 2016
Tuesday, January 12, 2016
Monday, December 7, 2015
Tuesday, November 10, 2015
LSU vs ALA then bar fun. Prob taking a break for a bit from this.
Well ya'll this one is going to be long. I use this as a way to express my feelings. I am teaching myself to actually share what i am thinking. Good or bad. My ex and i have been talking bunches lately. I have been begging her to give me a chance. It hasn't happened but i am getting in touch with myself.
So what I have figured out is the reason she left was my fault. Now nothing in a relationship is ever 1 persons fault. But me acknowledging what i did wrong could be a cleansing of the soul type thing. What i know is she tried to get me to be more passionate with her. I never understood this, i always thought that i was a great guy to her so she would be happy. I literally would do anything for her. I put her on a pedestal, but all along that is not what she wanted. She wanted me to show her in a way that i didn't realize. She would beg me to come to bed with her and i would rather watch tv. I know i did this. I held resentment to her for not sleeping with me. Or talking to her ex that did horrible things to her. Or at least i thought, turns out that she had lied to me about that. He didn't do all of the things she told me.
I am need yall to hear all of this to get some feeling of the stuff i am going to tell you about this weekend. The ex and I still love each other very much. But according to her we are not a match. I try to understand this the best i can but it is not always easy for me. She has anger problems and that makes it hard for me to talk to her. I am not an angry person so i learned early on in our relationship that if i didn't tell her everything basically left out the things i knew would make her mad. She wouldn't say things that she didn't mean and hurt me in ways i didn't like. We had plenty of good times and some bad times. There is of plenty of feelings i could share but onto the story. I think i will write her a letter in a few weeks and give her everything.
Lets start on Thursday i go to the McM bar and hook up with this older chick. I go home with her and HATE fuck the shit out of her. I have had so many feeling pent up for the ex that it just happened. I had been on a good boy phase. Trying to get the ex back or hanging out with Shanon.
Ok so Saturday is game day and the tigers are playing that team that i won't give a name to. :) The room mate has friends coming over including this hot little er nurse. We will call her "Sara" again a "S" name and yes this name is repeated. This is not one of the earlier "Sara's" we will call this one firecracker. Yes she is a hot little red head nurse.
Earlier in the week the ex and i had talked about her coming to the party. But she decided it wasn't for the best. I told her we were going to the McM bar after the game. She told me she was going there also.
The game ends and we load up and go to the bar. When we walk in i walk to where i had sat on Thursday. GUESS who was sitting in my damn chair. Yep the Ex. Well i walk past her and go to the end of the bar. Call the bartender over and order drinks and get the pool balls. Sara kinda snuggles up to me a bit. We are shooting pool for a bit when the ex walks over and tells me "I am leaving cause you are here. Give me a hug" Now the ex is fuming and i know it is because of Sara. I had been making out with Sara a bit and having fun. So as i am giving the ex a hug for her to leave Sara says "Hi I am Sara" and holds her hand out to shake. This i can tell gets under the ex skin. So she leaves us and goes back to her friends. She is talking to her friends i and hear her say. "And then she says Hi I am Sara" I look at Sara and then Sara yells across the bar "I can hear you." Then the ex runs back over and starts getting in her face with you want to go outside and fight. It is fucking crazy. So i figured out what i wanted to know. She still loves me.
Love you ex.
I think i need to get myself fixed again then maybe, maybe we can fix our problems and live happily ever after.
So what I have figured out is the reason she left was my fault. Now nothing in a relationship is ever 1 persons fault. But me acknowledging what i did wrong could be a cleansing of the soul type thing. What i know is she tried to get me to be more passionate with her. I never understood this, i always thought that i was a great guy to her so she would be happy. I literally would do anything for her. I put her on a pedestal, but all along that is not what she wanted. She wanted me to show her in a way that i didn't realize. She would beg me to come to bed with her and i would rather watch tv. I know i did this. I held resentment to her for not sleeping with me. Or talking to her ex that did horrible things to her. Or at least i thought, turns out that she had lied to me about that. He didn't do all of the things she told me.
I am need yall to hear all of this to get some feeling of the stuff i am going to tell you about this weekend. The ex and I still love each other very much. But according to her we are not a match. I try to understand this the best i can but it is not always easy for me. She has anger problems and that makes it hard for me to talk to her. I am not an angry person so i learned early on in our relationship that if i didn't tell her everything basically left out the things i knew would make her mad. She wouldn't say things that she didn't mean and hurt me in ways i didn't like. We had plenty of good times and some bad times. There is of plenty of feelings i could share but onto the story. I think i will write her a letter in a few weeks and give her everything.
Lets start on Thursday i go to the McM bar and hook up with this older chick. I go home with her and HATE fuck the shit out of her. I have had so many feeling pent up for the ex that it just happened. I had been on a good boy phase. Trying to get the ex back or hanging out with Shanon.
Ok so Saturday is game day and the tigers are playing that team that i won't give a name to. :) The room mate has friends coming over including this hot little er nurse. We will call her "Sara" again a "S" name and yes this name is repeated. This is not one of the earlier "Sara's" we will call this one firecracker. Yes she is a hot little red head nurse.
Earlier in the week the ex and i had talked about her coming to the party. But she decided it wasn't for the best. I told her we were going to the McM bar after the game. She told me she was going there also.
The game ends and we load up and go to the bar. When we walk in i walk to where i had sat on Thursday. GUESS who was sitting in my damn chair. Yep the Ex. Well i walk past her and go to the end of the bar. Call the bartender over and order drinks and get the pool balls. Sara kinda snuggles up to me a bit. We are shooting pool for a bit when the ex walks over and tells me "I am leaving cause you are here. Give me a hug" Now the ex is fuming and i know it is because of Sara. I had been making out with Sara a bit and having fun. So as i am giving the ex a hug for her to leave Sara says "Hi I am Sara" and holds her hand out to shake. This i can tell gets under the ex skin. So she leaves us and goes back to her friends. She is talking to her friends i and hear her say. "And then she says Hi I am Sara" I look at Sara and then Sara yells across the bar "I can hear you." Then the ex runs back over and starts getting in her face with you want to go outside and fight. It is fucking crazy. So i figured out what i wanted to know. She still loves me.
Love you ex.
I think i need to get myself fixed again then maybe, maybe we can fix our problems and live happily ever after.
Saturday, October 31, 2015
Choose Me.... Or choose a piece of shit. Well i guess that is over..
Well this one is going to be emotional for me. You know what i will write this later. I have to figure out how to write this. The book will get the full story if i ever do the book but for now i think i might just leave this short.
I gave the ex a choice me or a piece of shit that doesn't trust her. He didn't trust her at her word to do something riskey, he wanted proof but she thinks he will trust her with his heart. STUPID GIRL. Guess what she chose him. I did everything i could do and it still wasn't enough. I am either too good for her and she knows it or she is just fucking stupid.
The bad part is I knew i was going to make her choose so i told Shanon to kick rocks. I knew i could not ask her to choose and me not do the same. DUMBASS Jr.
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