Clemson rowing team and 50 foot of fun.

So my dad (Sr.) plans a sailing trip for us.  We have 5 guys on a 50ft cat in B.V.I.  Lets get with protecting the innocent first, the 5 man crew includes me (jr), dad (sr), dad's best friend (Jack), dad's buddy (George), and the little bro (Trey).  Well lets start with the first night.  We all get to the boat but our checkout is the next morning.  We are all sleeping on the boat in port the first night.  I haven't slept in about 20 hours cause i don't sleep on planes very well.

There is a club on the boardwalk up from the boat that seems to be hopping so we go check it out.  We walk in and everyone is kinda partnered up EXCEPT 1 girl at the bar.  I immediately walk up to her and start talking to her.  She is British and her accent is SEXY.  Her name is Izzy and she is a pre-med student back in the UK.  We talk and dance for a bit.  I look up and the guys have disappeared.  I ask Izzy where her friends went she has no clue.  She is pretty drunk though so i suggest we go for a walk around the bay.  She agrees and we walk for a bit.  Talking and laughing she tells me that she is attracted to me and wants me to do what ever i want to her.  I am caught a little off guard by this, but we start making out.  She ask me to take her back to my boat I say ok.  On our way back we make a few pit stops and make out.  I basically have her dress off of her a few times.  She has an amazing body and i tell her she does.  It comes out that she is 21 and i figure out why her body is amazing.  So we get back to the boat and go to my room.  Get undressed and doing some 4 play, she starts convulsing and tells me that she has never big O from 4 play.  She starts telling me that she is not as experienced as me.  I ask her what that means to which her reply is i have only been with person.  This is where shit goes sideways.  She looks at me and says "I don't know your name", i am like JR.  She basically starts crying and telling me that she has to go.  I say ok and watch her get dressed and leave.  Damn good way to start a vacation but could have been just a bit better.  :)

So we set sail the next morning and do some sailing we end up in Norman Bay.  We go to dinner, where i get a bit tipsy and somehow something comes out of my mouth about being a "Big Mother Fucker."  This starts a running joke for the entire trip.  After dinner we go to this bar on a barge called Willie T's there are people jumping off of the roof topless and naked.  There are women giving body shots on the bar.  There are women getting fake tattoos on intimate places.  This place is crazy.  We have a good time and go back to the boat and go to sleep.

The next morning we get up and sail away.  We do some stopping here and there.  Having a blast.  I am learning to sail a huge fucking boat and love it.  We pretty much stop by every island near us.  Do some snorkeling or sight seeing.  We make it to Virgin Gorda where the baths are.  We get up the next morning and hike that area which is beautiful.  After we get back to the boat we decide to sail around to a port on the other side of the island to get fresh water.  One of the pumps had sprung a leak and the charter company came and fixed it.  But we were low on fresh water.  So we sail around the leverick bay.  It should be noted that at some point before this i told Trey that i was going to toss him a soft ball at some point on this trip.

So Leverick bay is the sight of the most epic night of our trip.  While the fresh water tanks are being filled George and i walk over and grab a drink at the bar.  While we are there a group of young women walk past us.  I say something along the lines of "hey ladies would you like to have a drink with us"  The response i got was "No we are going to take showers."  I say, "you ladies look fine to me you should have a drink instead."  The leader looks at me and says "I know i am glistening."  I let it go and then 4 more girls come up and sit at the bar.  Immediately some little guy walks over to them and i hear them shut him down immediately.  I play it cool and just say hey ladies where are you from.  Their response is South Carolina.    I don't say anything else just let it settle.  Sit there a little longer then the first group of girls come back and sit with current girls.  So 8 girls sitting at the bar next to me.  I say "Hey glistening can i buy you that drink now?"  She says let me finish this one then yes.  About this time the rest of our crew shows up and sits beside George and i.  So I bail off in the middle of these 8 girls.  I am talking to all of them at once and i ask them if they are all Gamecocks?  They say who said we were Gamecocks?  I said well i was told you were from South Carolina.  This is when i learn they are the Clemson female rowing team.

So glistening and myself move off and start talking alone.  I tell the other girls to go flirt with my crew and they will get their drinks paid for.  While talking glistening walks off and Anna comes up to me and tells me she is glistening's roommate.  She then begins to inform me that Tatiana (glistening) has a nickname of Tits.  She also tells me that Tits is a lesbian and that sometimes she brings home guys and they have 3somes.  I am very interested in what Anna has to say at this point.  We take some pics and do some dancing.  Somehow i get on 1 knee and purpose to Tits.  This night is getting crazy.  Then someone gets the idea that we should go to our boat.

Our 50 foot boat is packed 8 girls and 5 dudes and it is great.  We are drinking and parting.  I am up on the trampolines hanging with tits and talking.  We talk about her being bisexual not lesbian, i am good with both.  We jump off the roof of the boat a bunch.  It is a great night.  Long story short Tits basically tells me that she wants to do this but we need to wait a bit.

At 1 point in the night one of the girls crawls into Treys bed and i throw him in there with her and shut the hatch.  Those guys are in there for a bit.  Not sure what happened but i can only imagine that my little bro owes me big.  I told him soft ball i didn't realize i was going to put it on a T for him.

Then people start getting drunk and puking on our boat.  Then Anna passes out, we are taking the drunk girls to their boat.  It is totally a buzz kill and ends the night.

The next day we get up and sail to Anegada for a lobster dinner.  We never see them again but what a night.  Then we go to Jost Van Dyke for a couple of days.  The only great thing that happens there is i flirt with a very hot chick.  Turns out she is married though.  Well that is my sailing trip.

Stage 8 MUTHA FUCKIN clinger.

So this one is going to get a big back story.  This one starts in high school, yep high school.  I had this huge crush on a few different chicks in high school, but i was a huge nerd.  Like fucking band nerd, computers and shit.  This was along with my redneck kill shit and fix my camaro hobbies made me not the most popular dude with the ladies.  When i tell you i am a very unique dude i am not shitting you.  So 1 of the girls i had a crush on contacted my on fb a while back prob 2013 or so.  Not sure exactly when but it happened first she just wanted computer advice.  Which was cool, no worries at all.  I know she is married and i am not doing anything i wouldn't do for anything else.  We start playing one of those app games on your phone for a while.  Still i have nothing to be alarmed about.  So after she figures out i am single we start talking on the phone.  She is telling me how her and her husband are getting the big D.  This is sometime around the beginning of June.  So we talk alot I am 2600 miles away from her so i don't see the harm.  Anyway somewhere along the line i get drunk and talk some smack to her.  I am a pretty charming fucker if you haven't figured that out yet.

So this turns into her looking for a job in Seattle, I am like sure sound good what the fuck do i care.  Well i have a sailing trip planned for the end of July.  Blog entry to follow on the sailing trip don't worry some shit happened there too.  She tells me she wants to fly up here and find a job, she has an interview somewhere.  I am like ok sure you can stay at my place.  Now take note i haven't seen this girl in 20 years.  So a week before i go sailing i am up at the airport picking up this girl that i have been talking to on the phone for the past month.  I am not sure what to expect, who am i kidding i know she wants to fuck....  She tells me before she gets on the plane that she filed for divorce before she went to the airport.  I am like oh ok that makes me feel better though.  Anyway we spend a week pretty much fucking all the time.  She bought some red lipstick like she use to wear when we were in HS and sucked on the ole dick.  She rarely leaves the house except when i take her places.  We did the whole tourist thing.  Needle and shit.  So we both leave about the same time on friday.  I am flying to the islands and she is flying back down south.  I think ok that was cool since she didn't look for a job i guess she really just wanted to fuck.  Oh 1 more thing.  She threw that 3 word phrase around before she left.  So my natural instinct is PULL back on the reins.  Fuck that shit.  

So i go sailing, an international trip so phone is off, but our boat has internet which is cool.  Anyway i don't get txt or calls for most of the trip.  I unplugged for a much needed vaca.  Anyway i am flying back and my first layover is in NYC.  I turn my phone on and get no lie 70+ txt msgs from this crazy bitch.  Apparently her and her husband got into it and she is flying her and 2 kids up to Seattle.  This chick is at my house when i get home with her 2 kids.  No talking about it or anything just surprise we are here.  I flip the fuck out.  

Have you ever heard the saying "bi-polar best sex ever"  I now know why someone coined that phrase.  Wasn't the best but she did like to please.  This chick is crazy.  Anyway i tell her she has to leave this is not going to work.  I am kinda a dick about it.  After she is gone the txt start.  Listen this chick is still stalking me.  A month later i haven't answered a call or a txt and i still get them.  I slept with my door locked the last night she was at my house i was worried she was going to come in there and either fuck me or kill me.  50/50 shot either way.

Summer Solstice and which of you is the sluttiest 1 here.

So its summer solstice and the WP decides it is time to invade a festival. Mark1, Stiffler, Allan, myself and roommate. We meet up with Mark1's good friend lets call her Jennie she has a friend who is fucking hot ass red head.  Well we do our marathon drinking session.  I think if the Olympics had an event for beer drinking, my crew would gold medal in it.  Allan, Mark1, and myself would be a relay team from hell when it comes to drinking.  So we drink all day and into the night.  We are in a bar somewhere in Fremont and Allan walks up to this table of girls and ask them.  "Which of you is the sluttiest girl here?" this works for him eventually he starts talking to a chick from the table.

So we lose the roommate at some point and the hot red head freaks out and starts looking for the roommate.  This starts a pattern of the roommate cockblocking.  Kinda funny but not really, she doesn't do it on purpose but it just happens.  So we find her she apparently thought jazz was playing somewhere and went off to hear it.  Well that has pissed the red head off so she goes home.  Anyway Stiffler has hooked up with 2 women and goes home with them.  Get the story later that one of them apparently passed out in the bed with him and he wakes up in a wet bed.  Couldn't figure out why at first.  He then discovers the chick has pissed herself while sleeping.  He gets up goes outside and calls an Uber.

So the roommate and i go back to the den she goes to stiffler's bed and sleeps and i go downstairs.  The rest of the WP comes back at some point and Mark1 comes and wakes me up.  Says, "hey bro Allan has a chick needs the bed down here."  I get up like a good wing man go upstairs and hit the couch.  So the only person that gets laid this weekend is Allan.  Fucker.

Stage 3 clinger

So Shawna has been out of town for a couple of weeks. She comes back into town and we pick up right were we left off. Just fucking like rabbits. She turns out to not have a gag reflex which is a plus in any book. She is up for anything and i like it. UNTIL she pulls the I love you rip cord. So we are suppose to go out of town together for the 4th of july but Mark1 and his best bud girlfriend convince me that i should end it with her before we go. I agree and do it the next day. She takes it well, better than i expected. She tells me that she had taken some shirts from my house to the cleaners and i should pick them up next week. We go to the island for the 4th and have an awesome time with mark1 family. The roommate and Stiffler hook up sometime over the weekend and i make fun of her a few times about it. Anyway we get back to mainland and mark1 and i go meet up with Shawna and one of her friends. She is a little drunk and is talking about how big my dick is so loud the whole bar hears her. Then somehow we get on the subject of why she didn't go to the island. Mark1 took the blame and then the waterworks began. I was like is this chick really crying in the bar about not going to the island. WOW. anyway i go back to her place and bang the shit out of her. She is like i will do anything you want. I grab her and start fucking her throat until i blow. When i blow that shit comes out her nose. Kinda funny now at the time i was like did i blow this bitches brains out. Anyway i rolled over went to sleep. Got up the next morning and left haven't talked to her since.

What's your address? I don't know what my address is, sorry.

So the roommate has shown up lets call her Lisa. She roles in with my brother and we get her shit unloaded. She gets moved in and we have some get together. Some brownies come out and we are drinking all day, I get really messed up. Laughing and shit uncontrollably, anyway the night carries on and some of the WP decide we should hit up the bar close to the house. We take a cab down and start the game, you know I am a lawyer, a senator, Brad Pitts brother just whatever will get the job done. Apparently i tell the 1 poor chick that i have a pool like 80x. Sorry babe i don't remember so it didn't happen. Anyway the funniest part of the night is Mark1 comes up to me and says, "Hey brutha i am toast i am grabbing a cab and going home. What's your address?" My response was "I don't know man." I should have left with him.